I have complained about UPS before regarding the inconvenience of not being able to waive a signature, but I was surprised to learn that I haven't yet discussed the much worse problem I have experienced with UPS: they don't knock.

I started realizing that UPS doesn't knock a few months ago, after I started working from home. I'd order stuff and track it and expect it to arrive on a certain day, and I'd be home all day, my ears perked for the slightest brush against my front door. I'd sometimes go downstairs and open the door, just to make sure I hadn't mistaken a wind gust for the UPS guy. But after work I'd find a UPS slip on the door. I'd think, "Could I possibly have missed the knock?"

I know what knocking sounds like, and when people—even those who aren't hefty UPS guys—do it on my front door, the sound filters through the entire apartment.

We also have a doorbell.

After UPS didn't knock on a few separate occasions, I called their 800 number and complained. The woman I spoke with told me that I must not have heard them knocking. (It's very irritating when customer service refuses to acknowledge that a customer's complaint might be founded.) She told me to put a sign on my door that asked them to knock loudly.

So the next couple of times I had a delivery, I scotch-taped a sign to my front door that read, "UPS: PLEASE KNOCK!" Begging them to knock seemed to work; I'd get my package on the day I expected it. But paint would peel off the front door each time I removed the sign, and it annoyed me to think I was damaging property just to thwart someone's laziness.

On Thursday I was particularly excited, because I was expecting the new computer I'd ordered to arrive. The UPS web site said the order was "out for delivery." I didn't tape up a sign. As the day wore on, I looked out my window every time I heard something that sounded like it might be the UPS truck.

Steve got home around 6:15 and I told him that we couldn't go out on our regular Thursday night excursion until my computer arrived. He laughed about my UPS paranoia, asking me how many times I had gotten up to look out the window so far that day. Only three or four, I told him, insisting that I wasn't paranoid.

Minutes later, I heard an idling sound outside and peered out the window again. I was overjoyed to see a big brown truck! I ran downstairs and opened my door, expecting to meet the UPS guy on his way to my doorstep. But instead the truck was pulling away! I was confused. I looked at the guy, and he looked at me, and annoyance showed in his face as he stopped the truck. I turned and saw a "we missed you" slip pasted to my door.

I yelled up to Steve, "Dude, I caught him!"

The UPS guy got to my door, and we had the following exchange:

ME: "Did you knock?"
UPS: "Yes, I knocked on the door and windows, I banged real hard."
ME: "Really? I was right upstairs."
UPS: "Oh, upstairs, that must be why you didn't hear."

Oh, that must be why. Odd that I could hear an idling truck but not someone "banging real hard" on my door and windows. When UPS does knock, they knock so hard that I can hear it in the shower.

I wanted to say, "You're lying through your teeth!" or something involving expletives, but I was so proud of myself for having caught him that I found the situation more funny than upsetting.

And that was that. I should have gotten his name. But I'm going to write a letter to UPS about their employees not doing their jobs. This might not happen everywhere, but it's certainly a trend in my neighborhood.

File under DAILY. Posted at 09:00 AM | Comments (5)

My tote arrived yesterday, and it looks great!

(My apartment isn't as messy as it may appear.)

File under DAILY. Posted at 08:31 AM | Comments (4)