1978 Birth. Mom says I arrived "singing." I wonder what song it was.
1979 My parents give me a doll for Christmas who is my size. I think she is real and talk to her, and they laugh at me.
1980 My brother is born, in December.
A lot of Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers. Joint baths with brother. Dad makes our shampoo-hair into "candlesticks" and photographs us.
1984 I convince my brother to eat poisonous berries from the bushes outside. Then I tell my Mom about it, and we drive to Poison Control, and then he sits in the tub, plays with Matchbox cars, and vomits.
1984 I almost drown in my mom's friend's pool. Very vivid memory of not being able to swim.
1985 First grade. When I do wrong, I get a hole punched in the gold star I have accumulated for right-doing. It upsets me.
Do YOU think I look like a boy? Boys don't wear jelly bracelets!
In the summer, I get my hair cut short for the first time, and a lady at the bank thinks that I'm a boy, even though I'm wearing jelly bracelets and jelly shoes!

Let's skip to now! I'm 26. I live in Brooklyn. I have good taste in everything.

"Dorkist" is a word I made up when I was younger for especially big dorks. I think it's a misinterpretation of the word dorcas.