Dear Jersey,
My gut answer? No, it's not worth it. Think about everything
you do now and how all of it will be affected if you
have to be self-conscious about your bowels all the
time. Once (this is kind of gross, but so what), when
I had a sinus infection, a doctor prescribed a drug
I'd never taken before. I only had to take it for five
days, but those five days were hellish, because everything
I ate made me poo. I had felt better with the sinus
infection than I did while taking this medication. Ultimately,
it made me not want to eat, because I knew what would
happen if I did. It looks like that's Xenical's goal:
to make you stop eating fatty foods by causing your
body to reject digestion of them. But fat pops up in
a whole lot of foods; indeed, bodies need a certain
amount of fat to stay healthy.
I'm not terribly knowledgeable about medicine, though,
as may be evident. Have you talked about taking Xenical
with your doctor? Perhaps those symptoms only apply
in some cases. Because you have a medical condition
(and I think Xenical might be a prescription drug),
you definitely need to speak with a doctor before you
make your decision. If you don't think you can lose
weight without supplemental help, discuss other options
as well. You deserve to be informed of what's available
to help you.
All of that said, I understand how you're feeling about
yourself. Really, I think everyone feels or has felt
worthless at times. At one point a few years ago, I
used to wake up in the middle of the night and curse
my reflection in the mirror. I felt like I was so repulsive,
I didn't deserve to exist. Obviously, I was being silly,
but I didn't see it like that at the time.
The one thing I think really helps when you're feeling
insecure about yourself is getting active. Explore your
interests start doing things that look cool to you.
Maybe you like to bowl or ride your bike or take walks
around your neighborhood. Maybe you're lazy like me
and don't, though. Even if the activities that interest
you aren't particularly active, doing almost anything
with yourself other than slouching in front of a TV
will give you more confidence. Write, paint, go out
dancing, make dumb home movies, take a photography class.
Start having fun. Once you're self-confident, you'll
hopefully either be more able to commit to losing weight
or be happy with yourself as you are. Good luck.
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