I was a teenage weirdo
Guidelines, etc. For Mr. Whippy's Lovechildren
LAW OF THE WHIPPY
1. These guidelines, explanations, etc. are subject to revision.
2. Mr. Whippy exists in order to bring to himself new friends, hence inhancing [sic] his influence upon all of us.
3. Mr. Whippy calls on all for friendship.
4. Those who accept the call shall instantaneously become the lovechild of Mr. Whippy. It is a relatively painless process.
5. Those who shun the call of the Whippy shall themselves be shunned from his Love and Protection, and be deemed the fate of Cadaverdom.
6. Mr. Whippy is a fairly busy entity. If you require protection from a certain evil, Mr. Whippy will get to you at his own convenience.
7. Perhaps Mr. Whippy's one tragic flaw is his favoritism. If one day it seems he is not listening to you, it is because he is currently favoring another lovechild.
8. Do not mock, reject, or deny the Power of Mr. Whippy. If he catches you doing so, it's curtains for you, old boy (read: cadaverdom).
9. Certain sacrificial practices involving sausages are not required, but cannot hurt when trying to get on Mr. Whippy's good side.
10. Contrary to rumor, Mr. Whippy's lovechildren are Not the result of liasons with cadavers.
11. Mr. Whippy is a trickster. You may think he is on your side, but he is prone to the reversal of decisions. Do not gloat in his presence, for he is apt to be listening.
12. Mr. Whippy is Mr. Whippy only. He does not take the form of humans or any other earthbound creature. When seen in visions, he sports a top hat and gas mask; however, he is faceless by human standards.